Mother and baby unit

I packed mine and baby’s things ready for the next day when we would be travelling to another county for me to stay at a mother and baby unit.

I think I was numb to what was happening until we reached closer to our destination in the car. The unit called us on our way there wandering if I was coming.

I sobbed uncontrollably as we pulled into the car park. I didn’t want to go. It was sinking in that I was going into a complete unknown. I was so scared.

We buzzed into the unit and as the doors shut behind us I didn’t fully appreciate that I would not be leaving those doors unattended for quite some time.

We were taken to my own room but everything was blurred through my tears. I was shown around and introduced to various people but didn’t take anything in.

Back in my room they wanted to check my bags I think but I was in a state and I think I was let off. They were trying to be respectful. They asked if I wanted someone with me all the time or to check in on me. I declined and said I would like to be on my own.

I eventually saw a psychiatrist x2, clearly one was in training, for an assessment. Thankfully they didn’t ask me to take medication.

I was then escorted to a clinic room where two nurses used an instruction manual to try and wire me up to the ECG. This did not fill me with optimism that I was in good hands as they fumbled around with the various wires as they said to each other they hoped they were doing it right and would work ok. Somehow they managed to get it done.

Whilst this was going on I noticed a notepad with the letters QA on it. This caused me to panic. Prior to my admission I had started to see a car with QA written on it. I believed it was from social services following me because at the back of the envelope that the social worker’s report was sent in had a return address to the QA team. Now there was QA at the unit. No one could convince me that they were unrelated. I felt I couldn’t trust these people.