As Psychologist I’ve tried to reduce the stigma of mental health difficulties in my work, yet when faced with my own difficulties I suddenly feel the weight of the stigma on me and am unable to reduce it away. There is also the shame that as a Psychologist I have become a mental health service user…
The last post was written in the past tense which made it sound like I have come to full acceptance of my unwell-ness. Truth be known I have yet to reach that stage and as you continue to read my chapters you will see how denial, my defence mechanism, is just around the corner waiting to creep back in.
Having written what I have done so far has caused memories to stir and unsettled the dust but they aren’t causing chaos as I feared it would. I’ve been noticing green cars but it’s not paranoia, just attention bias.
Previous chapters were written from memory but the chapters that now follow will be based mainly from my husband’s recollections and outpatient letters. My memory is foggy for the last couple of years but I believe this to be another of my defence mechanisms at play. The mind tries to forget painful memories.
Psychologist and Patient 