A struggle would put it mildly. Looking after baby boy whilst in lockdown was mentally and physically draining.
I hadn’t seen/spoken to a psychiatrist in 7 months and unfortunately due to lockdown my first encounter with the new psychiatrist would be over the phone.
I saw this as an opportunity to get the psychiatrist to reduce my medication as I was struggling with tiredness which I believed to be a side effect of the aripiprazole. The tiredness and exhaustion was making it hard to get through the day. Reluctantly he agreed to the reduction and so it was reduced from 15 to 10mg. He suggested that I may want to increase my sertraline alongside this change but yes you guessed it- I declined.
What resulted in the reduction in aripiprazole was a reemergence of thoughts about being followed and watched. I also started to feel suspicious of the new psychiatrist. He sounded American and I worried that he was sent from the US government to keep an eye on me and make sure I took the medication to keep me quiet. The US government is pertinent in this because I have dual citizenship and am also American.
Care coordinator started to worry I was relapsing and as I deteriorate quickly risking hospital admission she wanted me to increase back up to 15. Of course I also didn’t want to end up in hospital when Covid was about but I was against going back to 15mg. Why should I when what I thought and believed was true? Also I just couldn’t cope with the tiredness the 15mg made me feel.
Instead I distracted myself from the thoughts and even though the tiredness reduced, I still struggled through the lockdown.
One day my care coordinator called to let me know she had been discussing my case with the psychiatrist and out of fear of further deterioration he wanted to increase the dose back to 15 and so he wrote to my GP with these changes.
What annoyed me about this was that I had not been consulted with first and did not agree with the change although I had capacity. I requested through my care coordinator to keep at 10 and I wrote a letter to the psychiatrist. Here is some of that letter:
I appreciate that there is concern regarding the nature of the thoughts I have been having, which I am not dismissing or discounting. However, I must also consider the impact of side effects upon my functioning and on my overall mental health, and I have found that the higher dose significantly reduces my energy levels. This is particularly important with a young son during lockdown. If my condition deteriorates I would consent to an increase and my husband has agreed to continue to ensure I take my medication and would consult with <care coordinator> if my condition deteriorates.
I also want to highlight that I feel the decision to increase my medication to 15mg was taken without my consent at a time when I have capacity. I therefore wanted to get on record that my decision to stay on 10mg is a considered one, and would not want this to be construed as an incidence of non-compliance.
Psychologist and Patient 