Just over 3 months has now passed since I had the ectopic pregnancy. Every 4th of the month I remember the loss and think about how far along I would be in the pregnancy had it been ok. Occasionally I ruminate on the memories of the day from collapsing in the hospital car park, to being on the operating theatre, to waking in recovery. Each memory brings a stab of pain…but I also feel stronger. As the doctor said to me in recovery- I must be very strong to have remained stable in surgery with massive blood loss. My strength comes from my little boy and husband. I had to stay alive for them.
Then on Boxing Day I get a call from my brother who tells me news that his girlfriend and him are going to be parents in 2021. I teared up as I congratulated them – they were tears of real happiness for them. I was going to be an aunt! Somewhere mingled in those tears of happiness were also tears of jealousy and sadness. My little boy asks me when are we going to get a baby. I said I hope next year. He asked do we have to grow it. I said yes. He replied does it need water like a plant to grow? I gave him a massive cuddle and kiss. Yes, it needs water to grow…
Psychologist and Patient 