DVLA

All through my health ordeal I remained as strong as I could be. Of course it took a mental toll. My family were dealing with the news in their own way but it caused tensions between my husband and my father, who decided to suddenly take an interest in my well being. It was hard managing this stress alongside the general stress of my health.

I continued to have my psychiatrist reviews with a new psychiatrist as my old one had left. This would be my 4th psychiatrist. She noted that what I was going through was understandable and my response was measured and reasonable. She said it was more a reaction to stress than depression. This is what I thought too, so when she decided to complete my DVLA renewal form that suggested I was unfit to drive, you can imagine my shock and distress at this. Where had this sudden belief that I was mentally unstable come from!?

It was awful timing. I had come to the end of my 6 week recovery- I was now able to hold and lift my baby girl and start taking her out to places, but annoyingly the 6 weeks ended on the day my 3 year medical licence expired. My hope to freedom and recovery had been snatched away and my distress palpable. The early days spending quality time with my daughter was impacted by preoccupation with my health and so I was looking forward to moving on with my life post-operation.

I thought of all the expletives under the sun about my psychiatrist. What was she playing at?! I spoke with her and she explained she had to be honest in the form and accepted that the form didn’t look good. I requested to see this said form and boy, she was not joking. It was a damning form where she had ticked I was unfit to drive and then scribbled it out. She also reported things that were based on my care coordinator’s entry from a telephone call, rather than her last psychiatric review of me. The problem with using my care coordinator’s entry was that on that day I was particularly anxious and stressed by everything. I was feeling low, suicidal and preoccupied with the wait to find out the results of the cancer pathology. Instead of taking these feelings into context and being present at one particular time and not generally, she completed the form to give the impression I was all the time mentally unwell.

She acted surprised when my licence was revoked and I was told by the DVLA not to drive based on a recent psychiatric illness. How stupid could she be. I had just overcome mammoth surgery, dealing with a life long autoimmune health condition and as a result of her pathetic completion of a form, I was now faced with another setback. I cried and cried. Why was I being tested so much….

I had only so much energy but I was also fuelled by a sense of injustice and anger over the situation. I immediately got a criminal lawyer and appealed the DVLA’s decision. It was a costly route to take and required weeks and weeks of me sending emails and letters chasing people. As my lawyer said, the form was damning and I had little chance in court of winning despite the evidence of psychiatrist letters saying I was low risk in all domains, I was experiencing stress and I had just gone through cancer treatment. I wasn’t actively suicidal, my ideas were generic such as I thought life wasn’t worth living but I had no plans. I was stressed and low but not severely depressed. I was anxious and worried about the cancer results- this was understandable. Unfortunately my psychiatrist took none of this into account when filling in the form.

The usual course of getting your licence back is being stable for 3 months. It took 3 months and a court day being set before I got my licence back.

It is sad, but it goes to show how much of a power imbalance there is and how one person’s actions can create devastating repercussions. If I hadn’t had that call with my care coordinator that day and said how I was feeling, I would have probably not have lost my licence.

I think what was also hurtful in the course of events was my psychiatrist’s attempt to discharge me. How could I be mentally unwell to drive but ok to discharge in her eyes? She was being spineless and didn’t like how I decided to take legal action to get my licence back. She also said normally she would continue to review someone with my history but would be willing to discharge me if I did not want to see her anymore. She also gave me the option of seeing someone else. I was not going to let her off the hook that easily. I said no and I also remained calm every time I spoke with her. I expressed my disappointment and annoyance with the situation and her actions but I never lost my temper or let my anger get the better of me. For that I am proud of myself. Instead the anger ate me up inside.

You would think after getting my licence back I would be ecstatic but I wasn’t. I should’ve never had to go through that. I felt exhausted and a loss of confidence in myself. My maternity leave was nearing it’s end and the time with my daughter that I wanted and imagined never happened. Just like the time with my son, I had missed out on having a good experience postnatally. I loved my daughter but I was feeling detached from her.