One thing that started to change without intention was the relationship with my husband. I started to feel distant and resentful towards him. To me he could continue to live a near enough similar existence pre-baby boy whereas it felt like my life had been turned upside down. Of course this is not fair because he was also going through his own journey in becoming a father. But selfishly I felt like I was the martyr.
One memory still remains strong. Late one night baby boy woke again ( 24 hour schedule of 2 hour snooze before wanting a feed) and my left breast was in agony but it was its turn to be the feeder. I knew I had to grimace through the pain of pins and needles breaking my skin otherwise I would end up with bigger issues. I sat up in bed and held baby to my left breast for a feed and I started to cry. Husband lay beside me fast asleep but stirred for a moment to ask if I was ok. I said no. He went back to sleep.
Now I don’t blame him or feel anger about this but in that moment I felt desperately alone.
Psychologist and Patient 